Dry Clean Only

Urban Outfitters dims their lights so low that the ultra-hip retailer appears closed to the eyes of the daydreaming window shopper. I know why.

If Urban Outfitters were to boast the intrusive, sickly fluorescent lighting dangling from most clothing giants’ corkboard ceilings, their ruse would be exposed. The unraveling seams of their overpriced urban threads would look much like a frozen, awkward moment in the life of a sorority girl attempting to stuff a $.99 taco down her hole, only to find that there is much more shredded Ice Burg than oral cavity space, so she just has to chomp furiously while the little lettuce pieces flap the debutante right off her face. You see?? What a mess!!

So, you know, you gotta dim the lights. Keep the pretty things pretty without exposing the undeniable flaws. Market the fabulous to the fabulous without unveiling the ugliness of the undergarment subterfuge. Blanket the blood stench-ed stitches of the Lux Embroidered Tunic with the warm, lingering odor of the promises of a Post-Bohemian spring collection.

I love Urban Outfitters. I do. I wouldn’t be able to purvey these crucial observations if I weren’t a regular hijacker of UO fashion. I am a Taurus and we are driven by aesthetics. I like to be surrounded by beauty and allure. With that said, I also fervently stand behind the personal maxim that matters of the heart, romantic escapades and all intimate encounters should also emanate beauty. A pure incandescence of aesthetically arousing energy and space….

So, in other words… I have mastered the art of keeping the lights dimmed on my love life, more specifically, the boys I date. I am more than happy to mute the imperfections of the romantic encounter in exchange for the delusion of beauty, the idealized wonder of lust and love. I don’t want to see him unraveling at the seams. And God forbid, he turn on the bright lights to see me unraveling at mine (of course, my imperfections are really just little Krissi quarks that are actually very endearing) (. Everyone appears desirable beneath the warm, embracing lighting of a chic downtown bistro, dancing below the smooth softness of the cocktail bar ambience. So, if you were to see romance through my eyes, you would lay witness to my remarkable ability to adjust the lighting so that everything appears to be…perfect.